I want to leave my husband, but he has no support after…?
My husband verbally abuses me in front of our child, he is ADHD and does not understand why his emotions take over. He has broken so many things in our home out of anger, he can’t keep a job due to his ADHD and he’s bankrupting us as he does not understand how to stop spending – he has never hit and I know he will not hit. We are both in therapy but I just can’t see how I can continue with his emotional abuse. His family refuses to be supportive as they too don’t like his anger. He has a very wonderful heart for our child and friends and when his emotions have not taken over he really is a great guy. ADHD adults tend to never leave there adolesences, so its like living with two children all the time. I know if I leave he will cry and hound me to not leave him but I know its best for my daughter and I. The only thing holding me back is that he will have no one to go to, I’m his best friend. I feel like his big sister. I pray for guidance but still don’t know how to do this…… my sign is Cancer and that equals – sensitive and always there for everyone – its so hard to let ask him to leave our home.
Any thoughts….
E. / Kentucky
Thank you to everyone who has replied so far. I’m glad I wrote to hear some outside advise. To those who mentioned my daughter is the one to think about – you are so right "she is the most important" and she will be the push that helps me to do end this. I don’t want her to live this way. I have great family support even when I asked him to leave 3 yrs ago. Thanks again!!
Perhaps find him a support group? I’m sure if you’re both in therapy that your therapist knows of some in your area.
Maybe what you both really need is a trial seperation? Sometimes that can kick people in the butt and make them realize what they are really missing. It also might help him deal with the idea before anything final is decided.
I feel your pain. ADHD runs rampant in the males in my family, and while I feel sorry for them, and even try to help them through it, there is only so much one person can do.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:06 pmIf your husband is willing – and this is the big question – there are some drugs available that will quiet him down. Yes, this is a questionable solution, for you will have no control over him taking those drugs. But, if he does not recognize his condition and is not willing to take these drugs, you better call it quits.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:06 pmI know how you feel, Erin. I was married to a beautiful woman who developed schizophrenia. It tore us apart, and was destroying our son. I knew leaving her would take away everything she loved, and leave her with nothing. In the end I had to do it, because she was not getting any better (refused help) and our son was getting worse and worse. Now she lives in a halfway house in another state, and I am still trying to straighten out our son.
You have to do what’s best for your daughter first. If that means leaving your husband, it needs to be done. It could also happen that your husband will get his life straightened out once he is apart from the two of you. It’s a terrible thing to do, but your daughter is counting on you to do the right thing.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:06 pmYour responsibility is to your child. You have to do what is best for her. I am glad that you have a big heart, but consider this… If a person kills someone else, and it is found that they are criminally insane – maybe it isn’t their fault, but would you still want to spend time with them? I realize this isn’t that extreme, but just because something isn’t his fault doesn’t mean that you and your child should have to suffer it.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:06 pmPut you and your daughter first. If he has a problem with you leaving him, too bad. He needs to get over it.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:06 pmHe might want to look into different medication(s) and anger management classes of some sort. More likely, he’d do the first option. My ex had ADHD and anger problems and he was proud of passing those anger classes.
I’m sorry you have such a difficult predicament.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:06 pmCan you say ……. codependent??!
You are half his problem and his immaturity is the other half. I don’t blame his family for staying away from this mess, send your daughter to live with people who are capable of setting a good example of how to be adults! ADHD is no excuse for bad behavior!
March 8th, 2010 at 7:06 pmi believe that it can be controlled a lot with diet, more meat, high protein, no sweets no soda no alchohol.
there is also medication for this that controls it, has he tried that?
if he doesnt work, how does he spend money?
March 8th, 2010 at 7:06 pm