What can I do about someone causing me pain & something I can't control ?
There is someone in my life who has caused me great pain. So much pain that I feel it has touched my soul, and really harmed me in some way that is almost beyond repair. I am seeing a therapist. However, my therapist keeps telling me there is nothing I can do about this particular subject, and I need to let it go. I pray about the situation every day.
My problem, if you forgive me for it being too long:
My husbands ex-wife.
She is 52. She is a two time convicted criminal (for murder and attempted murder). She was charged with first degree murder and made a plea. She has served time in prison for this crime (convicted of a felony). She is a drug user. She hates all men. She has been recognized as being psychotic and a liar. She has applied for and recently been approved for SSI for being insane. She is also a hoarder (you know, like on TV where there is trash and fifth piled high to the sky and the home stinks like a trash dump). She has been convicted of murdering her daughter (11 months old) by holding her baby under the water in the bath-tub with her feet until the baby drowned. She served time in prison for this. She has been convicted of hitting (another felony) my husband over the head and cracking open his skill. My Father-in-Law rushed to the house to save his son (my husband’s) life until the ambulance came.
My Father-in-Law.
My Father-in-Law is 84 and he is a Doctor. We used to be on warm and loving terms. We lived together. He said he loved me. I said I loved him. His wife (my Mother-in-Law, a writer and professor) were also on warm and loving terms. She got ill with a brain tumor. While we were in another state (Virginia) preparing to move here (California), my husbands ex-wife (who was not allowed in their home under normal circumstances, moved into the home without our knowledge.
My Mother-in-Law has since passed away. Before she passed, my husbands ex-wife fired all of the nurses because she said it was too expensive and she could care for her. Now, remember, my Mother-in-Law hated her guts. When my husband went, she said: What is that woman doing in my home ? She hated her for killing her grand-daughter. She saw the autopsy records and the body. She saw the bruises and "foot" marks all over the body.
My husband ex-wife turned them against us. She had them change their will. She lives off of their millions (she has hardly ever worked because she would like about the criminal history, it would be found out, she would be fired). The entire family hates us. We don’t know why. We get no Holiday invites any more since she moved in. We don’t know why or what she has told people.
There are three children involved (13, 16, and 17). They used to live with us. They used to call me Mommy. Then, the ex-wife found out and demanded them back. When they lived with us they were getting straight A’s and involved with after school activities. With her, they get F’s. They have no after school activities except for the compouter. They are on psychiatric drugs. They do not attend school with frequency. One has been expelled. Once has been in the psychiatric hospital for cutting. One sleeps around and drinks.
I was under the impression that there was some kind of law in California that says anyone who commits violence against a child can’t live with them ?
Well, she lives there. As a guest.
I guess my question is: how do I get over this anger that no one cares about the children ? That we are supposed to see them, but the visitation orders are not enforced (we have gone bankrupt taking this issue to court because my Father-in-Law uses his money to fight us). Motions have been filed with the court (since we were denied visits time and time again) and they have not been responded to.
I need to stop worrying about the children. One of them wrote me again today and said they miss us and want to see us but were told they can’t without a person to pick them up and drop them off (they are being told this monitor is needed for their safety). This is, of course, a lie.
We have been paying for the "monitor" since 2005.
Since my husband and I don’t work (he lost his job due to a bankruptcy by the DoD company he worked for and has not been able to get a job since). I lost my job last week due to the program I was on being canceled by the government.
So, we are supposed to pay $ 85.00 per week (no checks or creditor cards) to a person to pick up and drop off the kids. Well, needless to say, we can’t afford it. So "they" (the ex-wife and Father-Law) have been allowing us to see the kids without paying this fee. They bring the children to Ralph’s and we drop them off at Ralph’s. The main reason they do this: we hae been told by the children that, since the home is so messy, no one is allowed in and their Mother is afraid we will complain.
They are all of a sudden being told that this pick up / drop off person is demand
That is a lie they are being told. We had an understanding that the "monitor" was not necessary because we could not afford one. However, my husband says I can’t write them that. No one in the entire state of California seems to care about the children. In her original murder trial, the Judge ruled she should never be around any child in any kind of capacity without someone being in charge of her because she is so unstable and crazy (based on Psychiatric reports the Judge had presented to him by the Prosecutor).
So, my question to you (I pray you can help):
What do I do with my anger ? My frustration that no one seems to care about the children or their downward spiral ? My worry about the children (their future, their ability to have healthy relationships, the possibility that they will use sex and alcohol and drugs as an escape?). Thanks for your help !