My boyfriend of 2 years just moved in with me from another city and we’ve talked about marriage quite a bit; however, we have different views on spending money. I’m a saver/invester (life insurance, 401k, just bought a house and fixing it up to increase resale) and although he doesn’t blow his money, he isn’t saving for retirement (i.e.401k) and is carrying 4k of credit card debt that he’s slowly paying off (he isn’t using his CC anymore to avoid building the debt) He pays all his other bills, though, including 15k of student loans.
I wouldn’t say he’s not responsible, but he doesn’t appear to see the importance of saving or taking care of his debt (or perhaps he’s avoiding the hassle). He works from home as a freelance writer and makes decent money, but he doesn’t have the option of direct deposit and gets no employee benefits like a 401k to make it easy for him to put the money away before seeing it in his paycheck. And now that he’s saving by living with me, he appears to be spending money on other things (not like crazy, but enough to notice) when (I think) he should be paying down his credit card debt.
I’ve brought up the topic, but only in a half-joking way that probably comes across as condescending, but I don’t know how else to approach it. Getting engaged is probably going to happen in the next 6 months, but I honestly don’t want to start planning a wedding until he gets his financial ducks in a row. Since I don’t have a ring on my finger, I don’t feel I have the right to say what he should/shouldn’t do with his money, but at the same time I’m taking mental notes of how it could delay the next step in our relationship or cause problems down the road. I want to bring it up with him now so that he’s at least aware of my concerns so I can avoid being condescending, but I’m not sure how to approach the topic without him getting defensive.
Other notes: I’m 28, he’s 29. My parents raised me to be very responsible with my money. I don’t know how his parents mentored him in money management, but I do know when they divorced when he was 16 they both went bankrupt, even though they lived comfortable previous to that. I came from a wealthier family, but that’s only because my parents worked their butts off and saved whatever they could. His parents are great and also worked hard for their money, but I don’t think they were ‘planners’ when it came to what they made.
Please help!
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